woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
