1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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