I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
