im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
