fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Randomize
