Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
