and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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