Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
