The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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