I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
