I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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