Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
