Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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