it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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