I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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