Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
