You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
