Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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