I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
