fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there's paper in my vomit.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
