I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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