just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
