I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We talked him into tasing himself.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
