We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
