so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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