Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
