I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
