Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
