I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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