My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm bleeding and have questions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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