but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
