I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
