you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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