apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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