Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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