Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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