I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
