he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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