I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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