it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
