There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
