I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
