I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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