take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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