Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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