Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
