You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
