I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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