Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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