What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
