I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
