Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize