Tell her she can't have a vagina
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
