you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
