How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
