He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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