My nipple is on Facebook.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
