Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize