i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
