It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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