random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
