just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
