i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
