my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
