the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
