It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
