What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
