new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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