Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
