My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
