Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
