i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
