i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well you can't waste a boner
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
