Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
