you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
