you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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