I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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